Thank you...Thank you...Thank you!

Anyone who knows me...i mean truly KNOWS me, knows this past year has been unusually difficult for me. I have faced some never before experienced obstacles, and I have been forced to do somethings I never thought I would have to do or be capable of doing. Life is tumultuous, it rises and falls with more intensity than the tides in the midst of a hurricane.  It pushes and pulls at your very core and can sometimes rattle your very foundation.  But I have discovered that my foundation is LIFE proof, and though it may rock and shift at times, it never gives way under the weight of life.  I guess I should have known better, considering my foundation was built by the MASTER builder!

I have a renewed faith in people and ideal that all things work out for the good of GOD.  I can honestly, truly & fully believe in the mantra tattooed on my wrist "By God's grace, all will be well".  I know that regardless of circumstance that I will be guarded and protected, & that God has placed people in my life that will not allow me to fall by the wayside unless that is my choosing.  I have found that those who I never expected to be around, or be supportive have actually been the MOST supportive and I have also come to realize that patience is a VIRTUE and that unwavering faith will get you much further than worry.

I am thankful for LOVE...I have seen another one of my tattoos in full fledged action over the past 7 months.  "Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." ~1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

I am thankful for friends...people who were enemies and have now become some of my best friends.  It's strange how people from opposing angles can unite and find common bonds that are stronger than those you have with people who have never been "enemies".  I  have never been one to have a lot of friends, so to actually have people who invite me to go places and include me on the regular basis is VERY significant to me, and for that I am truly appreciative.

I am eternally thankful for FAMILY...family includes anyone who by blood, marriage or circumstance share some kind of familial bond with you.  I have found that blood is ALWAYS thicker than water and that when I have hit rock bottom that my family with support me and talk me down off the water tower & convince me to put away my rifle.  Not because that's what I need to hear, but because it is the right thing to do.  And contrary to what some may believe they don't tell me what I WANT to hear and they don't just go along with what I say because I said it...they tell me what I NEED to hear (primarily to keep me from hurting, harming or maiming others).  And when I cry they comfort me & when I FUCK up they discipline me.

I am thankful for truth...because despite the fact that some tried to besmirch my character and my name this year, I have triumphed over those false accusations.  I did not lose my job, and regardless of this person's best efforts it actually drew me closer to the person I believe they were trying to push me furthest from.

All in all, it has been a year of reflection...a year of gained perspective...and a year of life lessons.  I am grateful for all of it, even though it was very challenging at times, I know that it has all been for a greater reason, even if I don't know what that reason is yet!

The Weirdest Week...

This has hands down been one of the strangest weeks of my life. From changes on the job front to oddities on the home front...everything has been one interesting cyclone of events over the past 6 or so days.  In some instances I am torn, for instance I loved teaching 3rd grade and have never wanted to move higher or again go lower, I was content & comfortable...then things got shaken up and I was moved to 4th grade.  Initially, i was apprehensive about the change and having to seemingly start over but there are some perks to having students that you are familiar with and not having to start over or begin a new.

On the flip side is home,  I know something is afoot and yet I don't know what.  I can surmise a storm is brewing based on general statements and hints.  I don't exactly know what is wrong, although I have my suspicions.  And it feels strange but I NEVER want the ones I love to hurt, because of my doing or because of another's.  Since this is not of my doing I feel helpless in rectifying the situation, in helping one of the people I care about the most cope with their position.  Somethings aren't meant to be fixed, at least not by me...so I guess all I can do is be the Friend I have always been; an ear to listen, a heart to care and a shoulder to cry on!

Lights...Camera...Spotlight!!!

It's funny cause the caption on the shirt in this photograph reads "No Paparazzi" but since I have taken this photo, my life has sort of been the exact opposite. I tend to be more of a background type of person...not because I am afraid of the spotlight but because you see & learn way more when you are not the one who has all of the attention focused on them. People forget themselves in your presence and reveal key details that are quietly cataloged for future reference.

But back to the photo...I have been more in the spotlight since it's unveiling than I have been in quite some years. I have to say it is rather enjoyable and seems to be having dual effects on both Men and Women. Funny how you can be both loved and hated for the exact same reason.
I can honestly say, I take the hatred as more of a compliment than the love. Strange, huh? But the fact that I have ruffled feathers and prompted negative reactions from others shows me that I am definitely doing something right, and motivates me to continue. I know that those who Love me are gonna show love...it's kinda of given. And, unfortunately, I expect the hatred too...but the fact that someone went out of their way & stepped away from their life to try and influence mine negatively versus saying nothing at all, not only says something about them, but it says something about me too! :-)

Poker Face... :- |

I am not a poker player, the game makes absolutely NO sense to me...I am sure that I could learn to play if I really wanted to but cards really isnt my thing.  Back to my original point, even though i am not a poker player there is one thing I do know, no matter what you have to maintain your poker face...NO MATTER WHAT! Well best believe if you let your guard down for even a sec. then I am gonna capitalize on your mistake.  I know your weakness and I will exploit it, every chance I get!!!!  Funny how my most innocent of mistakes forced someone to lose their poker face & put me in a position to seize a moment long awaited.

A Love Letter...

We met in the late 90s, and almost immediately you captured my heart. Your city boy swag and way with words quickly won me over. I was infatuated with all things related to you. I look back on those days and smile...so many never gave you chance and most didn't understand my love for you, especially when there were other more prominent and well know around. Not sure what it was, but I felt comfortable with you from the start.
The last decade and a half, have been a journey. When I have need you, you have always been there for me...always speaking the words I needed, exactly when I needed to hear them. Most times it is like you can read my mind or feel what's happening in my heart. You know me almost better than I know myself. We have celebrated together, during times of great joy...and we have also mourned together during times of sorrow. You never held your tongue, you always spoke your mind & you have no problem standing out when everyone else is just trying to blend in, it is these attributes that make my love for your continue to grow.
I thank you for the man you were, all those years ago, and appreciate you for the man you have become all these years later. I know that in 15 more years there will only be more love and admiration in my heart for you!!!

And the List goes on...

So as I have been crossing things of my LIFE List (I refuse to call it a Bucket list anymore, because I don't plan on kicking the bucket anytime soon) and as I cross things off, then there has to be something new to add in it's place...here are a few thing on my list:

1. Sex in a stairwell
2. Trip to Toronto
3. A mid-atlantic cruise
4. Hot air balloon ride
5. Sex in a parking garage
6. Streaking across the beach
7. A nude beach in Cancun
8. New televison for the living room
9. A Mac Book
10. A sexcation...

Damn 1/3 of list is about sex....oh well! lls

Throughly Loved!

So i have been away on an unscheduled hiatus...life has been busy, but most importantly it keeps getting better. The non-relationship relationship is STRANGE but it works. There are up and downs, but in the end it all works itself out. Opportunities abound, and new avenues have been built...I am in love with life, and there are some wonderful perks that come along with this ride.

The statement "We are our own worst critic" is true when it comes to me...I will shoot myself in the foot time and time again, in the pursuit of perfection. Often failing to get even a foot off the ground due to my HIGH standards and expectations. But HE has helped to realize the error in this way of thinking...and HE has believed in me, even in times when I have struggled to believe in myself! I honestly don't know what I would do without him. HE keeps me stable, HE keeps me sane, HE keeps me satisfied. Even when ALL others felt HE should toss me to the wayside, HE held on even tighter. And even though things are not where they should be or how they would have been anticipated, still HE is a constant. I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that HE loves me...NOT just as the mother of his children, but for the woman I am. I am not perfect, have NEVER claimed to be and yet HE still LOVES me despite my numerous flaws. Others think they know the nature of our interactions...but they don't know a damn thing. They point fingers and cast blame based on what they have heard by listening though the walls...ears pressed against drinking glasses. And despite their BEST efforts, I am still here...I will remain here...and there isn't a gotdamn thing any of YOU can do about it.

I know I am not the easiest person to deal with, but i bring a lot to the table...and struggling through the tough times, makes the good times all the more worthwhile!