If you fall...

I just watched the movie "Precious" for the first time...something I have been putting off for months because I prefer to read the book a movie is based on before seeing the movie. But in the busy-ness of life I just haven't gotten around to it. Anyway, God truly does do things for a reason, because for whatever reason I decided to watch it tonight. It TRULY made me realize that my trials and tribulations aren't as bad as I thought they were this morning. Despite everything my life is nothing like what Claireece had to endure. I CAN read & write...I HAVE a mother who loves me...I AM educated...I HAVE two beautiful children who are happy and healthy...I HAVE a job...I HAVE people who genuinely care about me and my well being...I AM healthy...I HAVE a father who loves me... So in the grand scheme of things I could be a lot worse off than the state that I am in. In all actuality, this movie also makes me realize that with all that she endured, Claireece was still able to push on. She went to school, continued to learn, raised her kids, and made a life for herself despite her molestation and HIV status. I know there are people in the world who are worse off than I am, and yet they persevere and live happy lives. It makes me think of one of my favorite quotes by Les Brown "If you fall, fall on your back. If you can look up then you can get up!"

Relieved

I am sitting here watching Oprah, which is something I almost never do, but for some reason I am awake this afternoon and paying attention. And she is interviewing a mother who accidentally left her 2 year old in the car resulting in her death. As I watch I am so overwhelmed with emotion and simultaneously relieved because watching this show validates the fact that I am not the only mother in the world who constantly feels overwhelmed, and for a change I don't feel like a horrible mother because I know that I am not alone! It has always felt like I could not meet the invisible, imaginary model of a perfect mother. At any given moment on any given day I could literally lose it, or simply forget that the love of my life is in the backseat of the car. I am relieved that juggling motherhood, and a career, and resposiblities and grad school are difficult for other mothers out there too, because you never hear about that...you only ever hear and see these "perfect" moms with their "perfect" kids and then feel like a failure for not being that. So I have to say thank you to Oprah for making me realize that I am "normal" and that being an overwhelmed mother is more common than I thought! I mean there are mothers calling who have actually locked or left their kids in the car, who have ignored their child only to find them choking, and a myriad of other stories of mothers who feel the need to get it all done and in attempt to "multi-task" are playing russian roulette with their kids lives and unfortunately I am a part of that group. There needs to be a support group for "US"!!!!

Can SOMEBODY please explain...

I am currently caught in a conundrum...to paraphrase Shakespeare "To speak, or not to speak...That is the question". I have often been chided for my periods of silence, I guess because it makes people feel uncomfortable when they don't know what's goin on in my head. I have been frequently deemed as Evil, Unsocial, Mean, Aloof, etc...because at times I have chosen to be silent versus misunderstood. But just as Libras need balance, I often have times where I am very chatty and extremely talkative. However, it is during these spans I have been characterized as having a "slick" mouth! I will admit, I am smart...very smart and I do AT TIMES disguise humor, cajoling, and sarcasm with my adept handle of the English vernacular (see what I mean, lol) but this isn't always the case. So which one is it...do people want me to be quiet or speak my mind??? Cause clearly you can't have it both ways...

Care-free Me

And my heart shatters like an ice cube hitting the ground.
The void is filled with the sweet spirit of being care-free.
For the first time in my life it matters not what others think,
feel, believe or say about me.
For on this day, at this very moment the ONLY thing that matters...
is what I think of Me!