A Love Letter...

We met in the late 90s, and almost immediately you captured my heart. Your city boy swag and way with words quickly won me over. I was infatuated with all things related to you. I look back on those days and smile...so many never gave you chance and most didn't understand my love for you, especially when there were other more prominent and well know around. Not sure what it was, but I felt comfortable with you from the start.
The last decade and a half, have been a journey. When I have need you, you have always been there for me...always speaking the words I needed, exactly when I needed to hear them. Most times it is like you can read my mind or feel what's happening in my heart. You know me almost better than I know myself. We have celebrated together, during times of great joy...and we have also mourned together during times of sorrow. You never held your tongue, you always spoke your mind & you have no problem standing out when everyone else is just trying to blend in, it is these attributes that make my love for your continue to grow.
I thank you for the man you were, all those years ago, and appreciate you for the man you have become all these years later. I know that in 15 more years there will only be more love and admiration in my heart for you!!!

And the List goes on...

So as I have been crossing things of my LIFE List (I refuse to call it a Bucket list anymore, because I don't plan on kicking the bucket anytime soon) and as I cross things off, then there has to be something new to add in it's place...here are a few thing on my list:

1. Sex in a stairwell
2. Trip to Toronto
3. A mid-atlantic cruise
4. Hot air balloon ride
5. Sex in a parking garage
6. Streaking across the beach
7. A nude beach in Cancun
8. New televison for the living room
9. A Mac Book
10. A sexcation...

Damn 1/3 of list is about sex....oh well! lls

Throughly Loved!

So i have been away on an unscheduled hiatus...life has been busy, but most importantly it keeps getting better. The non-relationship relationship is STRANGE but it works. There are up and downs, but in the end it all works itself out. Opportunities abound, and new avenues have been built...I am in love with life, and there are some wonderful perks that come along with this ride.

The statement "We are our own worst critic" is true when it comes to me...I will shoot myself in the foot time and time again, in the pursuit of perfection. Often failing to get even a foot off the ground due to my HIGH standards and expectations. But HE has helped to realize the error in this way of thinking...and HE has believed in me, even in times when I have struggled to believe in myself! I honestly don't know what I would do without him. HE keeps me stable, HE keeps me sane, HE keeps me satisfied. Even when ALL others felt HE should toss me to the wayside, HE held on even tighter. And even though things are not where they should be or how they would have been anticipated, still HE is a constant. I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that HE loves me...NOT just as the mother of his children, but for the woman I am. I am not perfect, have NEVER claimed to be and yet HE still LOVES me despite my numerous flaws. Others think they know the nature of our interactions...but they don't know a damn thing. They point fingers and cast blame based on what they have heard by listening though the walls...ears pressed against drinking glasses. And despite their BEST efforts, I am still here...I will remain here...and there isn't a gotdamn thing any of YOU can do about it.

I know I am not the easiest person to deal with, but i bring a lot to the table...and struggling through the tough times, makes the good times all the more worthwhile!

Life is Grand

The past few weeks have been phenomenal for me. While there have been the normal bumps along the road, such as drama and stress, all in all things have made an upswing. I have cleared my chest and my conscious of things i have been carrying around...holding them inside trying to bear the burden myself so as not to burden those I care about. But they are released, back to the giver they go and now I am finally free. I sleep well at night, and have realized the error of my ways in some aspects of life. My only mission now is to make amends and to fully realize the person that I am.

I am content...vacation is relaxing, the kids are healthy, love is good and friends are plenty! I have had the opportunity to cross some things of my bucket list and have been inundated with opportunities that will allow me to grow, succeed and prosper. I am exercising my creativity in a myriad of ways and I am liberated beyond belief...my "I Don't Give A Fuck" attitude is being full actualized and embraced. I laugh at some of the people I am forced to encounter on a regular basis...because they live behind this facade, pretending to be something they are not for fear of what may become. Too bad for them!!!!!

I am a force to be reckoned with...I have left plenty of Men and Women in my wake, hopefully they had their life preservers because I live under the auspice of "Sink or Swim". I am still shattering the preconceived notions of some and the rubber exteriors they present to world. Hindsight might be 20/20 but I've found something even better...X-ray vision and YES! I can see right through your asses (smile). The things people think I care about are actually the ones furthest from my mind...I find a sense of joy and pleasure about living life off the beaten path. The journey may be more difficult, but the reward is more fulfilling!

Today was a GOOD day!

"Just wakin up in the mornin, gotta thank God/I dunno but today seems kinda odd" ~Ice Cube

So I woke up this morning excited about what the day had in store for me, and it did not disappoint. I stepped outside my box and into a new one...and in all my days I never would've thought that I would have ended up in this place, with this person. It's funny the twist and turns life takes, I know more and more daily that I am not just trying convince myself that I am this Bitch/Asshole, but that I truly have transmogrified into a new ME! Today was SOOOO much fun, and just another layer I can add to my life experiences...I've done quite a bit of new things over the past 10 months and I look forward to the many more that will follow. Today's experience served as a HUGE confidence booster and quite frankly gave the Bitch and the Asshole more ammunition and more fuel for their FIRES.

State of MINE!

So things have been good lately...life is on an upward track and I am looking at the world through rose colored glasses! I am WELL taken care of on a myriad of levels and perspectives...I wake up daily with a smile on my face and am able to maintain that smile through numerous trials and tribulations by reflecting on the WONDERFUL people who are a part of my life. Life isn't perfect, but I know that this is one of those times where life is damn near perfect. I am living by the mantra that "what goes around, comes around" and that karma will do ALL my dirty work for me. And to be completely honest, it is actually quite fun and a huge turn on for me to personify karma...I'm in a place where I can have ALL of the fun and NONE of the stress, let someone else worry about all that ish. Any who, I'm rambling now...so I will leave this blog on this note:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong doings. It does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres." ~1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

*P.S. To the Streets and the Tweets who are reading this, please make sure you FULLY comprehend before you RUN TELL THIS presuming and surmising to understand me!*

Guess Who's Bizack!

So here I am after a brief, but well needed hiatus...and i have to say that I am in a good place right now. I have struggled thru the last year or so...struggled to accept the state of my life, my trials & tribulations, my happiness. But the release of certain cares, certain loves, and certain expectations has allowed me to move forward in a new light. I have FULLY embraced the Bitch that lives and resides within me and given her a new partner in crime - Asshole. I am sure that some may think, i have low self-esteem or self-worth for referring to myself as words that society typically associates with negativity, but as I have said time and again, we are the ones who give words POWER! Therefore, I am taking back the power i have relinquished to others for so many years. Yeah, I am a BITCH...i can be rude, crude and downright disrespectful and you know what I DON'T CARE what anyone thinks anymore. Caring too much has pushed me in the past to be nice to people i don't like, to be fake and I have never been fake. Trying to fit into social circles has pushed me to be nice even when I didn't feel comfortable and has even caused me to disregarded my best instincts.

In comes the ASSHOLE...the asshole in me forces me to remain true to myself, makes me realize that i don't have to FIT in or conform, cause at the end of the day NO ONE else matters! The asshole permits me to embrace the right now, and forget about the past...hence, the asshole also saves lives cause if left purely to the devices of the BITCH i would have hurt, harmed, or injured a few deserving skanks and hoes.

It is all about check and balances...and i think i have found mine. I don't bite my tongue any more, it has only served to back fire on me in the past. I say what I mean and I mean what I say...I don't pretend to like you when I don't and I don't wear a mask for anyone. If i fuck with you then you know it, no confusion about it. I support those who support me and I live MY life MY way and by MY rules!