Thank you...Thank you...Thank you!

Anyone who knows me...i mean truly KNOWS me, knows this past year has been unusually difficult for me. I have faced some never before experienced obstacles, and I have been forced to do somethings I never thought I would have to do or be capable of doing. Life is tumultuous, it rises and falls with more intensity than the tides in the midst of a hurricane.  It pushes and pulls at your very core and can sometimes rattle your very foundation.  But I have discovered that my foundation is LIFE proof, and though it may rock and shift at times, it never gives way under the weight of life.  I guess I should have known better, considering my foundation was built by the MASTER builder!

I have a renewed faith in people and ideal that all things work out for the good of GOD.  I can honestly, truly & fully believe in the mantra tattooed on my wrist "By God's grace, all will be well".  I know that regardless of circumstance that I will be guarded and protected, & that God has placed people in my life that will not allow me to fall by the wayside unless that is my choosing.  I have found that those who I never expected to be around, or be supportive have actually been the MOST supportive and I have also come to realize that patience is a VIRTUE and that unwavering faith will get you much further than worry.

I am thankful for LOVE...I have seen another one of my tattoos in full fledged action over the past 7 months.  "Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." ~1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

I am thankful for friends...people who were enemies and have now become some of my best friends.  It's strange how people from opposing angles can unite and find common bonds that are stronger than those you have with people who have never been "enemies".  I  have never been one to have a lot of friends, so to actually have people who invite me to go places and include me on the regular basis is VERY significant to me, and for that I am truly appreciative.

I am eternally thankful for FAMILY...family includes anyone who by blood, marriage or circumstance share some kind of familial bond with you.  I have found that blood is ALWAYS thicker than water and that when I have hit rock bottom that my family with support me and talk me down off the water tower & convince me to put away my rifle.  Not because that's what I need to hear, but because it is the right thing to do.  And contrary to what some may believe they don't tell me what I WANT to hear and they don't just go along with what I say because I said it...they tell me what I NEED to hear (primarily to keep me from hurting, harming or maiming others).  And when I cry they comfort me & when I FUCK up they discipline me.

I am thankful for truth...because despite the fact that some tried to besmirch my character and my name this year, I have triumphed over those false accusations.  I did not lose my job, and regardless of this person's best efforts it actually drew me closer to the person I believe they were trying to push me furthest from.

All in all, it has been a year of reflection...a year of gained perspective...and a year of life lessons.  I am grateful for all of it, even though it was very challenging at times, I know that it has all been for a greater reason, even if I don't know what that reason is yet!

The Weirdest Week...

This has hands down been one of the strangest weeks of my life. From changes on the job front to oddities on the home front...everything has been one interesting cyclone of events over the past 6 or so days.  In some instances I am torn, for instance I loved teaching 3rd grade and have never wanted to move higher or again go lower, I was content & comfortable...then things got shaken up and I was moved to 4th grade.  Initially, i was apprehensive about the change and having to seemingly start over but there are some perks to having students that you are familiar with and not having to start over or begin a new.

On the flip side is home,  I know something is afoot and yet I don't know what.  I can surmise a storm is brewing based on general statements and hints.  I don't exactly know what is wrong, although I have my suspicions.  And it feels strange but I NEVER want the ones I love to hurt, because of my doing or because of another's.  Since this is not of my doing I feel helpless in rectifying the situation, in helping one of the people I care about the most cope with their position.  Somethings aren't meant to be fixed, at least not by me...so I guess all I can do is be the Friend I have always been; an ear to listen, a heart to care and a shoulder to cry on!

Lights...Camera...Spotlight!!!

It's funny cause the caption on the shirt in this photograph reads "No Paparazzi" but since I have taken this photo, my life has sort of been the exact opposite. I tend to be more of a background type of person...not because I am afraid of the spotlight but because you see & learn way more when you are not the one who has all of the attention focused on them. People forget themselves in your presence and reveal key details that are quietly cataloged for future reference.

But back to the photo...I have been more in the spotlight since it's unveiling than I have been in quite some years. I have to say it is rather enjoyable and seems to be having dual effects on both Men and Women. Funny how you can be both loved and hated for the exact same reason.
I can honestly say, I take the hatred as more of a compliment than the love. Strange, huh? But the fact that I have ruffled feathers and prompted negative reactions from others shows me that I am definitely doing something right, and motivates me to continue. I know that those who Love me are gonna show love...it's kinda of given. And, unfortunately, I expect the hatred too...but the fact that someone went out of their way & stepped away from their life to try and influence mine negatively versus saying nothing at all, not only says something about them, but it says something about me too! :-)

Poker Face... :- |

I am not a poker player, the game makes absolutely NO sense to me...I am sure that I could learn to play if I really wanted to but cards really isnt my thing.  Back to my original point, even though i am not a poker player there is one thing I do know, no matter what you have to maintain your poker face...NO MATTER WHAT! Well best believe if you let your guard down for even a sec. then I am gonna capitalize on your mistake.  I know your weakness and I will exploit it, every chance I get!!!!  Funny how my most innocent of mistakes forced someone to lose their poker face & put me in a position to seize a moment long awaited.

A Love Letter...

We met in the late 90s, and almost immediately you captured my heart. Your city boy swag and way with words quickly won me over. I was infatuated with all things related to you. I look back on those days and smile...so many never gave you chance and most didn't understand my love for you, especially when there were other more prominent and well know around. Not sure what it was, but I felt comfortable with you from the start.
The last decade and a half, have been a journey. When I have need you, you have always been there for me...always speaking the words I needed, exactly when I needed to hear them. Most times it is like you can read my mind or feel what's happening in my heart. You know me almost better than I know myself. We have celebrated together, during times of great joy...and we have also mourned together during times of sorrow. You never held your tongue, you always spoke your mind & you have no problem standing out when everyone else is just trying to blend in, it is these attributes that make my love for your continue to grow.
I thank you for the man you were, all those years ago, and appreciate you for the man you have become all these years later. I know that in 15 more years there will only be more love and admiration in my heart for you!!!

And the List goes on...

So as I have been crossing things of my LIFE List (I refuse to call it a Bucket list anymore, because I don't plan on kicking the bucket anytime soon) and as I cross things off, then there has to be something new to add in it's place...here are a few thing on my list:

1. Sex in a stairwell
2. Trip to Toronto
3. A mid-atlantic cruise
4. Hot air balloon ride
5. Sex in a parking garage
6. Streaking across the beach
7. A nude beach in Cancun
8. New televison for the living room
9. A Mac Book
10. A sexcation...

Damn 1/3 of list is about sex....oh well! lls

Throughly Loved!

So i have been away on an unscheduled hiatus...life has been busy, but most importantly it keeps getting better. The non-relationship relationship is STRANGE but it works. There are up and downs, but in the end it all works itself out. Opportunities abound, and new avenues have been built...I am in love with life, and there are some wonderful perks that come along with this ride.

The statement "We are our own worst critic" is true when it comes to me...I will shoot myself in the foot time and time again, in the pursuit of perfection. Often failing to get even a foot off the ground due to my HIGH standards and expectations. But HE has helped to realize the error in this way of thinking...and HE has believed in me, even in times when I have struggled to believe in myself! I honestly don't know what I would do without him. HE keeps me stable, HE keeps me sane, HE keeps me satisfied. Even when ALL others felt HE should toss me to the wayside, HE held on even tighter. And even though things are not where they should be or how they would have been anticipated, still HE is a constant. I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that HE loves me...NOT just as the mother of his children, but for the woman I am. I am not perfect, have NEVER claimed to be and yet HE still LOVES me despite my numerous flaws. Others think they know the nature of our interactions...but they don't know a damn thing. They point fingers and cast blame based on what they have heard by listening though the walls...ears pressed against drinking glasses. And despite their BEST efforts, I am still here...I will remain here...and there isn't a gotdamn thing any of YOU can do about it.

I know I am not the easiest person to deal with, but i bring a lot to the table...and struggling through the tough times, makes the good times all the more worthwhile!

Life is Grand

The past few weeks have been phenomenal for me. While there have been the normal bumps along the road, such as drama and stress, all in all things have made an upswing. I have cleared my chest and my conscious of things i have been carrying around...holding them inside trying to bear the burden myself so as not to burden those I care about. But they are released, back to the giver they go and now I am finally free. I sleep well at night, and have realized the error of my ways in some aspects of life. My only mission now is to make amends and to fully realize the person that I am.

I am content...vacation is relaxing, the kids are healthy, love is good and friends are plenty! I have had the opportunity to cross some things of my bucket list and have been inundated with opportunities that will allow me to grow, succeed and prosper. I am exercising my creativity in a myriad of ways and I am liberated beyond belief...my "I Don't Give A Fuck" attitude is being full actualized and embraced. I laugh at some of the people I am forced to encounter on a regular basis...because they live behind this facade, pretending to be something they are not for fear of what may become. Too bad for them!!!!!

I am a force to be reckoned with...I have left plenty of Men and Women in my wake, hopefully they had their life preservers because I live under the auspice of "Sink or Swim". I am still shattering the preconceived notions of some and the rubber exteriors they present to world. Hindsight might be 20/20 but I've found something even better...X-ray vision and YES! I can see right through your asses (smile). The things people think I care about are actually the ones furthest from my mind...I find a sense of joy and pleasure about living life off the beaten path. The journey may be more difficult, but the reward is more fulfilling!

Today was a GOOD day!

"Just wakin up in the mornin, gotta thank God/I dunno but today seems kinda odd" ~Ice Cube

So I woke up this morning excited about what the day had in store for me, and it did not disappoint. I stepped outside my box and into a new one...and in all my days I never would've thought that I would have ended up in this place, with this person. It's funny the twist and turns life takes, I know more and more daily that I am not just trying convince myself that I am this Bitch/Asshole, but that I truly have transmogrified into a new ME! Today was SOOOO much fun, and just another layer I can add to my life experiences...I've done quite a bit of new things over the past 10 months and I look forward to the many more that will follow. Today's experience served as a HUGE confidence booster and quite frankly gave the Bitch and the Asshole more ammunition and more fuel for their FIRES.

State of MINE!

So things have been good lately...life is on an upward track and I am looking at the world through rose colored glasses! I am WELL taken care of on a myriad of levels and perspectives...I wake up daily with a smile on my face and am able to maintain that smile through numerous trials and tribulations by reflecting on the WONDERFUL people who are a part of my life. Life isn't perfect, but I know that this is one of those times where life is damn near perfect. I am living by the mantra that "what goes around, comes around" and that karma will do ALL my dirty work for me. And to be completely honest, it is actually quite fun and a huge turn on for me to personify karma...I'm in a place where I can have ALL of the fun and NONE of the stress, let someone else worry about all that ish. Any who, I'm rambling now...so I will leave this blog on this note:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong doings. It does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres." ~1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

*P.S. To the Streets and the Tweets who are reading this, please make sure you FULLY comprehend before you RUN TELL THIS presuming and surmising to understand me!*

Guess Who's Bizack!

So here I am after a brief, but well needed hiatus...and i have to say that I am in a good place right now. I have struggled thru the last year or so...struggled to accept the state of my life, my trials & tribulations, my happiness. But the release of certain cares, certain loves, and certain expectations has allowed me to move forward in a new light. I have FULLY embraced the Bitch that lives and resides within me and given her a new partner in crime - Asshole. I am sure that some may think, i have low self-esteem or self-worth for referring to myself as words that society typically associates with negativity, but as I have said time and again, we are the ones who give words POWER! Therefore, I am taking back the power i have relinquished to others for so many years. Yeah, I am a BITCH...i can be rude, crude and downright disrespectful and you know what I DON'T CARE what anyone thinks anymore. Caring too much has pushed me in the past to be nice to people i don't like, to be fake and I have never been fake. Trying to fit into social circles has pushed me to be nice even when I didn't feel comfortable and has even caused me to disregarded my best instincts.

In comes the ASSHOLE...the asshole in me forces me to remain true to myself, makes me realize that i don't have to FIT in or conform, cause at the end of the day NO ONE else matters! The asshole permits me to embrace the right now, and forget about the past...hence, the asshole also saves lives cause if left purely to the devices of the BITCH i would have hurt, harmed, or injured a few deserving skanks and hoes.

It is all about check and balances...and i think i have found mine. I don't bite my tongue any more, it has only served to back fire on me in the past. I say what I mean and I mean what I say...I don't pretend to like you when I don't and I don't wear a mask for anyone. If i fuck with you then you know it, no confusion about it. I support those who support me and I live MY life MY way and by MY rules!

Educators Stand-Up!!!!!

Alright, so all of the "Education Talk" that has that has suddenly broken out across America has me really fired up. As an Educator who spends everyday on the front line in America's classrooms, it is very interesting to me that NOT 1 teacher has been apart of all of this discussion!
First and foremost, just because I am the low man on the totem pole does not mean that I get crucified for the FAILURE of the public school system. I am merely following and enforcing the mandates of my superiors, of politicians, of Americans...we don't crucify a police officer for following the laws enacted by cities, states & the federal gov't., so what make US any different? Second, you don't demand Doctors work more hours or days to fix Americas health care problem, so why is that WE are being asked to do so? When the rest of the world has to work more they get paid more, so why is that I work until 4-4:30 most days, well past my 2:45 end of duty day...and how much overtime do I get??? NONE! Don't get me wrong, I am in NO way against a longer school day, I think we need it...but on the same note I just asked to compensated accordingly; teachers already make FAR less than we should for the work that we do! Next, how can Oprah ask people to agree to not "fight" about this issue when she is the one that pretty much started it. You can't back people into a corner, attacking them from all possible angles and then get upset when they fight back. Teachers aren't the ones who came out swinging...everyone else did. I have no problem working with others to resolve this issue, but every one has to be held ACCOUNTABLE for the failure and not just Educators! I am going to bring this rant to and end now, but I really had to get some of these issues off of my chest and I am sure I will have more to add as the week progresses. Check back for more....

If you fall...

I just watched the movie "Precious" for the first time...something I have been putting off for months because I prefer to read the book a movie is based on before seeing the movie. But in the busy-ness of life I just haven't gotten around to it. Anyway, God truly does do things for a reason, because for whatever reason I decided to watch it tonight. It TRULY made me realize that my trials and tribulations aren't as bad as I thought they were this morning. Despite everything my life is nothing like what Claireece had to endure. I CAN read & write...I HAVE a mother who loves me...I AM educated...I HAVE two beautiful children who are happy and healthy...I HAVE a job...I HAVE people who genuinely care about me and my well being...I AM healthy...I HAVE a father who loves me... So in the grand scheme of things I could be a lot worse off than the state that I am in. In all actuality, this movie also makes me realize that with all that she endured, Claireece was still able to push on. She went to school, continued to learn, raised her kids, and made a life for herself despite her molestation and HIV status. I know there are people in the world who are worse off than I am, and yet they persevere and live happy lives. It makes me think of one of my favorite quotes by Les Brown "If you fall, fall on your back. If you can look up then you can get up!"

Relieved

I am sitting here watching Oprah, which is something I almost never do, but for some reason I am awake this afternoon and paying attention. And she is interviewing a mother who accidentally left her 2 year old in the car resulting in her death. As I watch I am so overwhelmed with emotion and simultaneously relieved because watching this show validates the fact that I am not the only mother in the world who constantly feels overwhelmed, and for a change I don't feel like a horrible mother because I know that I am not alone! It has always felt like I could not meet the invisible, imaginary model of a perfect mother. At any given moment on any given day I could literally lose it, or simply forget that the love of my life is in the backseat of the car. I am relieved that juggling motherhood, and a career, and resposiblities and grad school are difficult for other mothers out there too, because you never hear about that...you only ever hear and see these "perfect" moms with their "perfect" kids and then feel like a failure for not being that. So I have to say thank you to Oprah for making me realize that I am "normal" and that being an overwhelmed mother is more common than I thought! I mean there are mothers calling who have actually locked or left their kids in the car, who have ignored their child only to find them choking, and a myriad of other stories of mothers who feel the need to get it all done and in attempt to "multi-task" are playing russian roulette with their kids lives and unfortunately I am a part of that group. There needs to be a support group for "US"!!!!

Can SOMEBODY please explain...

I am currently caught in a conundrum...to paraphrase Shakespeare "To speak, or not to speak...That is the question". I have often been chided for my periods of silence, I guess because it makes people feel uncomfortable when they don't know what's goin on in my head. I have been frequently deemed as Evil, Unsocial, Mean, Aloof, etc...because at times I have chosen to be silent versus misunderstood. But just as Libras need balance, I often have times where I am very chatty and extremely talkative. However, it is during these spans I have been characterized as having a "slick" mouth! I will admit, I am smart...very smart and I do AT TIMES disguise humor, cajoling, and sarcasm with my adept handle of the English vernacular (see what I mean, lol) but this isn't always the case. So which one is it...do people want me to be quiet or speak my mind??? Cause clearly you can't have it both ways...

Care-free Me

And my heart shatters like an ice cube hitting the ground.
The void is filled with the sweet spirit of being care-free.
For the first time in my life it matters not what others think,
feel, believe or say about me.
For on this day, at this very moment the ONLY thing that matters...
is what I think of Me!

This Can't Be Life...

I am struck by the words of the Jay-Z(et. al.) song "This Can't Be Life". How often do we sit down and really evaluate our lives? Well today I've had the opportunity to really evaluate mine, and I am quite disappointed to say things are not how I would have planned, imagined or dreamed they'd be on the verge of my 32ND birthday. I am a Libra, an idealist...I believe in love, white picket fences and happily ever after. Or at least I did before today....now I am not sure what to believe anymore. I always wanted a relationship, who doesn't want to connect with someone of like mind, goals, morals and dreams...nobody WANTS to be alone. Sadly I can say I've never had that. The 4 men I've ever devoted my heart to, have never been able to give me their hearts in a like manner. Some have given me more than others, but none have given me all. In each case, there was always me and someone else. The first couldn't give me his heart because I wouldn't give him my body, so he chose to flaunt his sexual conquests in my face. The second I actually gave my body too, but I guess it wasn't enough because he sought pleasure from another and ultimately had two kids with her. The third didn't want anyone to know about "us", and me being naive and stupid went along with the scheme...not realizing until it was too late that he needed "us" to be a secret so that his others wouldn't find out. And even after most found out or surmised our relationship I was still never his "girlfriend" until I was on my way out the door. The fourth started as something I never expected to last. I fully intended him to be a temporary fling to bide my time during a hiatus from number 3...fortunately or unfortunately it turned into way more. As a result, here I sit 12 years and 4 kids later wondering how my life turned into this and still no closer to having his heart the same way he has mine. Of the 4 I have to say that number 2 and 4 mean/meant the most to me. And it is funny because they remind me so much of each other. I will eternally love number 4 because of the two little miracles he gave me, but I think we will never be more than parents to the same children. And that saddens me...because like I said I believe in happily ever after! I want my kids to wake up daily with both parents present in the household and I hate being in the statistic of African-American women who will never marry or that they are in a statistic of being born to a single parent. IT HURTS LIKE HELL, and my heart has broken into a million pieces knowing I brought them into this situation and can't fix or undo it. And so I sit here in the dark with the words of Jay-Z flowing through my head..."This can't be life, this can't be love. This can't be right, there's gotta be more, this can't be us!"

So I have been really doing some soul searching the past couple of weeks and I have come to several conclusions:

1. I am a good person, notice I didn't say perfect...I've never professed to know it ALL, or understand it ALL or even to be able to do it ALL. I have flaws and I am capable of admitting that. But if I can live with the flaws of others, then I just want the same in return.

2. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I love HARD, I love deep and I love selfishly. I've had to do a lot of sharing my life and for once I wanna have my cake and eat it ALL by my damn self!!!!

3. I am willing to deal with and do damn near anything for those that I TRULY love.

4. Don't, I repeat DON'T mess with my kids...if we aren't friends why the hell are you touching my offspring.

5. I get personal amusement from people who are tough from a distance. You didn't want none the last time, then chance are you don't want any now. Stop trying to use words to hurt me, it doesn't work!

Alright, now that I've gotten that off of my chest on to more important matters...

$hit that Pisses Me Off!

Here is a revamp of an old Classic....enjoy!

~Why is it that people feel they have the authority to distribute other people's belongings. So as we all know I am a pen snob, I only like specific pens...namely Pilot V-7 in Fine, Uniball Scripto Bit, Dixon Ticonderoga pencils and a few others. So, why would you pass out the stuff that I purchase for myself to students? I mean clearly I didn't intend for them to have it...you've never seen me pass out the "good" stuff to them before. Now I am all for making sure students are able to learn, but I have specific pencils for my rugrats because realistically I know that once I lend it one of two things is gonna happen - 1) I am not getting it back or 2) they are gonna sharpen it so d@mn small that I am not going to want it back. All I am saying is keep your hands to yourself, lol

~People who beep their horn 2 seconds after the light turns green. I mean are you really in that much of a d@mn hurry? Guess what, that only serves to piss me off and 9 times outta 10 I am gonna sit at the light a few seconds longer just to piss you off. Not to mention I know how to blow my horn too, which I will also do in return to your constant honks. See what your impatience got you...now you are even later than you were before you beeped at me. Next time leave the house earlier or give me some reaction time. Sheesh!

~Parents who think that Teachers are some sort of Educational slave. If I am not mistaken Frederick, Harriet, and Sojourner got us off the plantation and Rosa got us off the back of the bus, so why are you talking to me like I am some second class citizen. You must be off your rocker...I am gonna need you to bring it down a notch and speak to me as an adult. Yes I work in a classroom full of children but that doesn't make me one. And in case you didn't know, I will hang up on you. Don't try to front and flex on me...I've seen your address, I know where you live - IT'S CALLED THE HOOD! And I drive past it everyday on my way to work...lol

~People who do little to no work yet they get paid the same (probably more than) I do. I am gonna need you to take your lazy ass outta my classroom and go bother somebody else. The same rules apply to you that apply to my students...if I can't do it, then you can't either! So WTF makes you think you're gonna take a nap in here???? If you have a medical condition like Narcolepsy then please exit my classroom and find the nearest PCP to get a prescription to take care of that. Otherwise, get the hell away from me before I kirk on you!!!

~People who interject into other people's conversations...we don't know what the heck you are even talking about, do you? I mean it would be one thing if we liked you and you were part of the "group", but we DON'T and you're NOT so go tell your mindless banter to someone else because when you talk all we hear is BLAH BLAH BLAH like on the Peanuts cartoons. So please understand we are not laughing with you, we are lauging AT YOU!!!!!!!!!

~What makes parents think they are qualified enough to play doctor on their kids. Just because you watched a few episodes of House, Grey's Anantomy or General Hospital doesn't put an M.D. behind your name or make you a learned enough to take Little Johnny off his ADHD medication. Now you are pissed at me because I keep calling you on your JOB because Little Johnny is disrupting me from doing my JOB. How do you expect me to teach or him to learn if he is roaming around the classroom and trying to terrorize all his classmates. You don't have anybody to mad at but your d@mnself! Next time seek the help of a real MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL if you child needs medical attention. And be happy that kids can't sue their parents for medical malpractice for playing around with their ADHD (or any other) meds and messing up their education!!!

FUCK!!!

Fuck!!!

I don't remember filling out an application to be your fuck buddy, your secret lover, your friend with benefits, a convenient piece of ass or your jump off. I am not interested in just getting dicked down, having emotionally detached sex, creeping, playing house, having a recreational fuck session or just being the person to get you off.

I said I want more...I want to be married, to have 2.5 kids, a white picket fence, a 2 car garage, family vacations and happily ever after.

Yet I do not have what I say I want, instead every fiber of my being contradicts the other. I beg for your flesh to be pressed against mine and for our sweat to mix in the heat of passion.

And after everytime I say it will be the last time...I won't let you use me again, I won't betray my dreams, for the sake of my desires. God I love the way your mouth feels against my skin, how your back arches just right before it blends into your ass....my bad, I digress!!

How did I get this way? When did I become one of those stupid girls? You can't be that good ­– can you?

Deep inside I want forever, and yet all you offer is right now ...tell myself I want passion, but I settle for lust. I talk the talk, but am unable to walk the walk I am a hypocrite and the reflection I see of myself disgust me.

I open my mouth to tell you what I want and somehow my legs always end up open, too, and the only thing that comes out of my mouth are moans, the sound of pleasure released, vocalized ecstacy…

This is the last time – I swear! I know I told you that before we started…I swear that was the first thing out of my mouth…I said it loud and clear…well maybe I mumbled it…or was I just thinking it…I think I wrote it down…or did I just read those words somewhere else…I am sure somebody said it at some point…maybe I forgot, so I am saying it now – can you hear me over the moans or is my head buried too deep in this pillow?

Okay, okay…I will tell you afte r the next time I am horny!!!

**PURELY A WORK OF FICTION**