The Weirdest Week...

This has hands down been one of the strangest weeks of my life. From changes on the job front to oddities on the home front...everything has been one interesting cyclone of events over the past 6 or so days.  In some instances I am torn, for instance I loved teaching 3rd grade and have never wanted to move higher or again go lower, I was content & comfortable...then things got shaken up and I was moved to 4th grade.  Initially, i was apprehensive about the change and having to seemingly start over but there are some perks to having students that you are familiar with and not having to start over or begin a new.

On the flip side is home,  I know something is afoot and yet I don't know what.  I can surmise a storm is brewing based on general statements and hints.  I don't exactly know what is wrong, although I have my suspicions.  And it feels strange but I NEVER want the ones I love to hurt, because of my doing or because of another's.  Since this is not of my doing I feel helpless in rectifying the situation, in helping one of the people I care about the most cope with their position.  Somethings aren't meant to be fixed, at least not by me...so I guess all I can do is be the Friend I have always been; an ear to listen, a heart to care and a shoulder to cry on!

Lights...Camera...Spotlight!!!

It's funny cause the caption on the shirt in this photograph reads "No Paparazzi" but since I have taken this photo, my life has sort of been the exact opposite. I tend to be more of a background type of person...not because I am afraid of the spotlight but because you see & learn way more when you are not the one who has all of the attention focused on them. People forget themselves in your presence and reveal key details that are quietly cataloged for future reference.

But back to the photo...I have been more in the spotlight since it's unveiling than I have been in quite some years. I have to say it is rather enjoyable and seems to be having dual effects on both Men and Women. Funny how you can be both loved and hated for the exact same reason.
I can honestly say, I take the hatred as more of a compliment than the love. Strange, huh? But the fact that I have ruffled feathers and prompted negative reactions from others shows me that I am definitely doing something right, and motivates me to continue. I know that those who Love me are gonna show love...it's kinda of given. And, unfortunately, I expect the hatred too...but the fact that someone went out of their way & stepped away from their life to try and influence mine negatively versus saying nothing at all, not only says something about them, but it says something about me too! :-)

Poker Face... :- |

I am not a poker player, the game makes absolutely NO sense to me...I am sure that I could learn to play if I really wanted to but cards really isnt my thing.  Back to my original point, even though i am not a poker player there is one thing I do know, no matter what you have to maintain your poker face...NO MATTER WHAT! Well best believe if you let your guard down for even a sec. then I am gonna capitalize on your mistake.  I know your weakness and I will exploit it, every chance I get!!!!  Funny how my most innocent of mistakes forced someone to lose their poker face & put me in a position to seize a moment long awaited.

A Love Letter...

We met in the late 90s, and almost immediately you captured my heart. Your city boy swag and way with words quickly won me over. I was infatuated with all things related to you. I look back on those days and smile...so many never gave you chance and most didn't understand my love for you, especially when there were other more prominent and well know around. Not sure what it was, but I felt comfortable with you from the start.
The last decade and a half, have been a journey. When I have need you, you have always been there for me...always speaking the words I needed, exactly when I needed to hear them. Most times it is like you can read my mind or feel what's happening in my heart. You know me almost better than I know myself. We have celebrated together, during times of great joy...and we have also mourned together during times of sorrow. You never held your tongue, you always spoke your mind & you have no problem standing out when everyone else is just trying to blend in, it is these attributes that make my love for your continue to grow.
I thank you for the man you were, all those years ago, and appreciate you for the man you have become all these years later. I know that in 15 more years there will only be more love and admiration in my heart for you!!!

And the List goes on...

So as I have been crossing things of my LIFE List (I refuse to call it a Bucket list anymore, because I don't plan on kicking the bucket anytime soon) and as I cross things off, then there has to be something new to add in it's place...here are a few thing on my list:

1. Sex in a stairwell
2. Trip to Toronto
3. A mid-atlantic cruise
4. Hot air balloon ride
5. Sex in a parking garage
6. Streaking across the beach
7. A nude beach in Cancun
8. New televison for the living room
9. A Mac Book
10. A sexcation...

Damn 1/3 of list is about sex....oh well! lls

Throughly Loved!

So i have been away on an unscheduled hiatus...life has been busy, but most importantly it keeps getting better. The non-relationship relationship is STRANGE but it works. There are up and downs, but in the end it all works itself out. Opportunities abound, and new avenues have been built...I am in love with life, and there are some wonderful perks that come along with this ride.

The statement "We are our own worst critic" is true when it comes to me...I will shoot myself in the foot time and time again, in the pursuit of perfection. Often failing to get even a foot off the ground due to my HIGH standards and expectations. But HE has helped to realize the error in this way of thinking...and HE has believed in me, even in times when I have struggled to believe in myself! I honestly don't know what I would do without him. HE keeps me stable, HE keeps me sane, HE keeps me satisfied. Even when ALL others felt HE should toss me to the wayside, HE held on even tighter. And even though things are not where they should be or how they would have been anticipated, still HE is a constant. I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that HE loves me...NOT just as the mother of his children, but for the woman I am. I am not perfect, have NEVER claimed to be and yet HE still LOVES me despite my numerous flaws. Others think they know the nature of our interactions...but they don't know a damn thing. They point fingers and cast blame based on what they have heard by listening though the walls...ears pressed against drinking glasses. And despite their BEST efforts, I am still here...I will remain here...and there isn't a gotdamn thing any of YOU can do about it.

I know I am not the easiest person to deal with, but i bring a lot to the table...and struggling through the tough times, makes the good times all the more worthwhile!

Life is Grand

The past few weeks have been phenomenal for me. While there have been the normal bumps along the road, such as drama and stress, all in all things have made an upswing. I have cleared my chest and my conscious of things i have been carrying around...holding them inside trying to bear the burden myself so as not to burden those I care about. But they are released, back to the giver they go and now I am finally free. I sleep well at night, and have realized the error of my ways in some aspects of life. My only mission now is to make amends and to fully realize the person that I am.

I am content...vacation is relaxing, the kids are healthy, love is good and friends are plenty! I have had the opportunity to cross some things of my bucket list and have been inundated with opportunities that will allow me to grow, succeed and prosper. I am exercising my creativity in a myriad of ways and I am liberated beyond belief...my "I Don't Give A Fuck" attitude is being full actualized and embraced. I laugh at some of the people I am forced to encounter on a regular basis...because they live behind this facade, pretending to be something they are not for fear of what may become. Too bad for them!!!!!

I am a force to be reckoned with...I have left plenty of Men and Women in my wake, hopefully they had their life preservers because I live under the auspice of "Sink or Swim". I am still shattering the preconceived notions of some and the rubber exteriors they present to world. Hindsight might be 20/20 but I've found something even better...X-ray vision and YES! I can see right through your asses (smile). The things people think I care about are actually the ones furthest from my mind...I find a sense of joy and pleasure about living life off the beaten path. The journey may be more difficult, but the reward is more fulfilling!