Today was a GOOD day!

"Just wakin up in the mornin, gotta thank God/I dunno but today seems kinda odd" ~Ice Cube

So I woke up this morning excited about what the day had in store for me, and it did not disappoint. I stepped outside my box and into a new one...and in all my days I never would've thought that I would have ended up in this place, with this person. It's funny the twist and turns life takes, I know more and more daily that I am not just trying convince myself that I am this Bitch/Asshole, but that I truly have transmogrified into a new ME! Today was SOOOO much fun, and just another layer I can add to my life experiences...I've done quite a bit of new things over the past 10 months and I look forward to the many more that will follow. Today's experience served as a HUGE confidence booster and quite frankly gave the Bitch and the Asshole more ammunition and more fuel for their FIRES.

State of MINE!

So things have been good lately...life is on an upward track and I am looking at the world through rose colored glasses! I am WELL taken care of on a myriad of levels and perspectives...I wake up daily with a smile on my face and am able to maintain that smile through numerous trials and tribulations by reflecting on the WONDERFUL people who are a part of my life. Life isn't perfect, but I know that this is one of those times where life is damn near perfect. I am living by the mantra that "what goes around, comes around" and that karma will do ALL my dirty work for me. And to be completely honest, it is actually quite fun and a huge turn on for me to personify karma...I'm in a place where I can have ALL of the fun and NONE of the stress, let someone else worry about all that ish. Any who, I'm rambling now...so I will leave this blog on this note:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong doings. It does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres." ~1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

*P.S. To the Streets and the Tweets who are reading this, please make sure you FULLY comprehend before you RUN TELL THIS presuming and surmising to understand me!*

Guess Who's Bizack!

So here I am after a brief, but well needed hiatus...and i have to say that I am in a good place right now. I have struggled thru the last year or so...struggled to accept the state of my life, my trials & tribulations, my happiness. But the release of certain cares, certain loves, and certain expectations has allowed me to move forward in a new light. I have FULLY embraced the Bitch that lives and resides within me and given her a new partner in crime - Asshole. I am sure that some may think, i have low self-esteem or self-worth for referring to myself as words that society typically associates with negativity, but as I have said time and again, we are the ones who give words POWER! Therefore, I am taking back the power i have relinquished to others for so many years. Yeah, I am a BITCH...i can be rude, crude and downright disrespectful and you know what I DON'T CARE what anyone thinks anymore. Caring too much has pushed me in the past to be nice to people i don't like, to be fake and I have never been fake. Trying to fit into social circles has pushed me to be nice even when I didn't feel comfortable and has even caused me to disregarded my best instincts.

In comes the ASSHOLE...the asshole in me forces me to remain true to myself, makes me realize that i don't have to FIT in or conform, cause at the end of the day NO ONE else matters! The asshole permits me to embrace the right now, and forget about the past...hence, the asshole also saves lives cause if left purely to the devices of the BITCH i would have hurt, harmed, or injured a few deserving skanks and hoes.

It is all about check and balances...and i think i have found mine. I don't bite my tongue any more, it has only served to back fire on me in the past. I say what I mean and I mean what I say...I don't pretend to like you when I don't and I don't wear a mask for anyone. If i fuck with you then you know it, no confusion about it. I support those who support me and I live MY life MY way and by MY rules!

Educators Stand-Up!!!!!

Alright, so all of the "Education Talk" that has that has suddenly broken out across America has me really fired up. As an Educator who spends everyday on the front line in America's classrooms, it is very interesting to me that NOT 1 teacher has been apart of all of this discussion!
First and foremost, just because I am the low man on the totem pole does not mean that I get crucified for the FAILURE of the public school system. I am merely following and enforcing the mandates of my superiors, of politicians, of Americans...we don't crucify a police officer for following the laws enacted by cities, states & the federal gov't., so what make US any different? Second, you don't demand Doctors work more hours or days to fix Americas health care problem, so why is that WE are being asked to do so? When the rest of the world has to work more they get paid more, so why is that I work until 4-4:30 most days, well past my 2:45 end of duty day...and how much overtime do I get??? NONE! Don't get me wrong, I am in NO way against a longer school day, I think we need it...but on the same note I just asked to compensated accordingly; teachers already make FAR less than we should for the work that we do! Next, how can Oprah ask people to agree to not "fight" about this issue when she is the one that pretty much started it. You can't back people into a corner, attacking them from all possible angles and then get upset when they fight back. Teachers aren't the ones who came out swinging...everyone else did. I have no problem working with others to resolve this issue, but every one has to be held ACCOUNTABLE for the failure and not just Educators! I am going to bring this rant to and end now, but I really had to get some of these issues off of my chest and I am sure I will have more to add as the week progresses. Check back for more....

If you fall...

I just watched the movie "Precious" for the first time...something I have been putting off for months because I prefer to read the book a movie is based on before seeing the movie. But in the busy-ness of life I just haven't gotten around to it. Anyway, God truly does do things for a reason, because for whatever reason I decided to watch it tonight. It TRULY made me realize that my trials and tribulations aren't as bad as I thought they were this morning. Despite everything my life is nothing like what Claireece had to endure. I CAN read & write...I HAVE a mother who loves me...I AM educated...I HAVE two beautiful children who are happy and healthy...I HAVE a job...I HAVE people who genuinely care about me and my well being...I AM healthy...I HAVE a father who loves me... So in the grand scheme of things I could be a lot worse off than the state that I am in. In all actuality, this movie also makes me realize that with all that she endured, Claireece was still able to push on. She went to school, continued to learn, raised her kids, and made a life for herself despite her molestation and HIV status. I know there are people in the world who are worse off than I am, and yet they persevere and live happy lives. It makes me think of one of my favorite quotes by Les Brown "If you fall, fall on your back. If you can look up then you can get up!"

Relieved

I am sitting here watching Oprah, which is something I almost never do, but for some reason I am awake this afternoon and paying attention. And she is interviewing a mother who accidentally left her 2 year old in the car resulting in her death. As I watch I am so overwhelmed with emotion and simultaneously relieved because watching this show validates the fact that I am not the only mother in the world who constantly feels overwhelmed, and for a change I don't feel like a horrible mother because I know that I am not alone! It has always felt like I could not meet the invisible, imaginary model of a perfect mother. At any given moment on any given day I could literally lose it, or simply forget that the love of my life is in the backseat of the car. I am relieved that juggling motherhood, and a career, and resposiblities and grad school are difficult for other mothers out there too, because you never hear about that...you only ever hear and see these "perfect" moms with their "perfect" kids and then feel like a failure for not being that. So I have to say thank you to Oprah for making me realize that I am "normal" and that being an overwhelmed mother is more common than I thought! I mean there are mothers calling who have actually locked or left their kids in the car, who have ignored their child only to find them choking, and a myriad of other stories of mothers who feel the need to get it all done and in attempt to "multi-task" are playing russian roulette with their kids lives and unfortunately I am a part of that group. There needs to be a support group for "US"!!!!

Can SOMEBODY please explain...

I am currently caught in a conundrum...to paraphrase Shakespeare "To speak, or not to speak...That is the question". I have often been chided for my periods of silence, I guess because it makes people feel uncomfortable when they don't know what's goin on in my head. I have been frequently deemed as Evil, Unsocial, Mean, Aloof, etc...because at times I have chosen to be silent versus misunderstood. But just as Libras need balance, I often have times where I am very chatty and extremely talkative. However, it is during these spans I have been characterized as having a "slick" mouth! I will admit, I am smart...very smart and I do AT TIMES disguise humor, cajoling, and sarcasm with my adept handle of the English vernacular (see what I mean, lol) but this isn't always the case. So which one is it...do people want me to be quiet or speak my mind??? Cause clearly you can't have it both ways...